trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Randomize
