Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
