No, drunk sperm still make babies.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Randomize
