dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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