He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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