put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Randomize
