i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
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