I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
