its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
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