The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
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