I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
