My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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