I think my vagina is haunted
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
What a dumb baby whore.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
