Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
