I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
