Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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