I accidentally had phone sex last night
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
