Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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