If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
