I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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