I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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