Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
