So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
