Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
