I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize