Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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