Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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