remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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