I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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