Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
