I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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