Im at strip club and am horny
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
