is this the sara with the beer cane?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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