I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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