He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
