Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
