He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
