Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Randomize
