it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
my shit smells like andre
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Randomize
