I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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