all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Randomize