I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
