Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
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