he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
