don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Never joke about your clitoris.
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
