dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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