i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
