Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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