You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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