Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I wish my penis had an off switch
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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