my phone needs a breathalizer
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Randomize
