you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
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