If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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