Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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