She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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