it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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