I love black thongs
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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