I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
