i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
