so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
