Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Also, beer. Big fan.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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