The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Randomize
