Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
