i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
