I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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